Thursday, March 20, 2008

Another bad dream

Last night I had a dream that Sena's mother had changed her mind and decided not to allow us to adopt her. I was in Ethiopia, at the airport, by myself. Kevin apparently stayed home to take care of our kids. In my dream, anyone who was there to adopt children had to fill out a bunch of forms while in the airport before uniting with their children. (Gee. Could this perhaps have stemmed from all the documents I've had to fill out and submit over the past week?) :)

I was filling out the forms, someone came and spilled a bunch of water on the table where I was writing. The forms got all wet. I approached the counter to ask the woman if I could get another set of forms, and she looked at me with an exasperated look. Apparently, there was only ONE set of forms for me, and they couldn't be duplicated. (Kind of like how our dossier had to be notarized, authenticated, certified, etc., etc.,) I said, "Oh, well, let's just forget it. They'll dry!"

As I was waiting for my paperwork to dry, I got a call from CCI. They told me that Sena would not be our daughter. I started moaning and sobbing. I couldn't imagine life without her! CCI hung up with me. Then I realized, I didn't know if that meant we could adopt another second child or not! I knew that Simbo would be our son, but we also wanted a daughter! Was I going to have to wait in Ethiopia until another child could be referred to us? Would we no longer be able to adopt a second child because the children's paperwork had already gone through court? Would I have to do another complete dossier? Would I have to travel back home with Simbo and wait to return a second time for our daughter?

The wonderful part of the dream was, that a group of a few women (apparently who were fostering Simbona) approached me in the airport, holding that sweet little Simbo. They taught me how to say some soothing words in his native language. After I learned the words, I said them to him in my most soothing Mommy-voice. After speaking to me only for a few minutes, he turned to me and put his arms out to me and acted like he wanted me to hold him. He was mine at last! That was a sweet moment. (Of course, this is probably not what our first meeting will truly be like at all.)

Well, as you can see, I am not getting much sleep lately. I just PRAY and PRAY that both Sena and Simbo will be ours... SOON! I don't think I could bear it if the children who I already consider mine in my heart could not be mine. Although it would be a wonderful thing for these babies to be reunited with their birth mothers, I don't think I would be able to truly celebrate for them.

After reading this, you may be thinking to yourself, "Where is her faith now?" Well, let me tell you, I serve a BIG GOD with a perfect plan for my life. Although it would break my heart in two for something like this to happen, I know that His plan is sovereign and that whatever He has planned for me is best for all. I have not lost faith, but I am weary right now in this process. I place my full trust in the One who will call all things to be as He has planned. (I just happen to be having a few bad dreams on the side...) :)

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