Friday, December 7, 2007


I have to tell you about this horrible dream I had last night....

I was in Florida at CCI (my adoption agency) for some reason, meeting with Sue (the agency owner) about the babies. I was supposed to be there to pick them up and take them home, as the babies had been flown to FL for us to pick them up. However, I was there without Kevin... all alone.

When I met with Sue, I asked her where the babies were. She told me that an older woman had called her and adopted the babies, and that she had already taken them. She explained that since I had not filled out an official referral form for them, that they had been adopted out to someone else. (At this point, the dream is really scary, because I HAVEN'T filled out official referral forms for the babies yet!) I told Sue that my case manager, Debbie, had placed the children on "hold" for us, and that they were OURS! I showed Sue the two or three pictures that I carry around with me of the babies, as proof. I told her that we had sent care packages for them through Blessing the Children, and that the packages included pictures of us. She just shook her head (without a lot of empathy) and said, "I'm sorry. They're gone. There's nothing I can do."

She started showing me pictures of other kids that I could adopt, most of them from other countries. NO! I said. I AM NOT CHANGING COUNTRIES AGAIN! She showed me a picture of a cute girl who was available for adoption from Hawaii. NO! I screamed again. I was crying so hard.

She tried to take me to a room where there were a lot of other children up for adoption, waiting for families. (It was almost as though my agency was an orphanage of some sorts.) She brought me into a room (picture a church nursery-type room) and there were about 20 kids ages 2 and up in there. She brought a little girl to me and told me that she was 20 months old. (She was white.) NO! I said. She's cute and all, but Sena and Simbona are my babies! She put the little girl next to me and the little girl kind of reluctantly snuggled up to my side. I told her NO, that we wanted a baby younger than 20 months old. I was bawling and laying back onto one of the babies' beds, and a big group of little boys came up to me saying, "You can be MY mommy! You can adopt ME!" I felt SO sorry for them!

Then, she took me back to her office and looked through my paperwork. There were several documents missing from my file that I KNEW were supposed to be at CCI. Then, I saw her reading a computer screen, and noticed that she was looking through MY personal emails on my email account. I asked her, "HOW did you get THAT!" She looked startled that I saw her reading my emails, and told me that she got them from the Toyota car dealership. (This was really the only funny thing about my dream.)

Well, obviously, the dream doesn't end in my favor. I guess I must be stressing out about signing a formal referral or something! I just have this sick feeling because a lot of my important paperwork is out there "floating around" someplace. One of the CDs that Debbie had sent me of the pictures of the kids was lost in the mail, it took forever to get the CCI documents here and correct, now the CCI documents are somewhere in Florida right now getting state certified (I hope!)

I want to remind you that whoever said that being pregnant was hard (was that ME?) needs to try on the adoption process for size! :)

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